So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Randomize
