Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Randomize
