what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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