i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I need to wash the frat house off of me
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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