Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Randomize
