i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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