I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
that is very illegal...i love you.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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