Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Randomize
