And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Randomize
