I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
