explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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