Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
