There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Randomize
