I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize