She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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