Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
