we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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