yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
