Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
And then my night got REAL pukey
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
