i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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