dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Randomize
