I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
