my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize