My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
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