I want to stick my p in your. b.
Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
