i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Randomize
