I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
