That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
