My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize