Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize