I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
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