I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
