i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
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