bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
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