I'm going to jail i love you
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Randomize
