Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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