is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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