im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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