i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize