? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
40s are totally the cure
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
