Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Randomize
