He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
