I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
