So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Randomize
