Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
The convent might be a nice break from real life
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