Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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