I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
