yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
