Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
