My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
