She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
