If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
