We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
