hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
