the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
