For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
foreskin is a definite game changer
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Randomize
