I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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