Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
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