i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
