Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Randomize
