If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
