I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
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