so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
