So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
