her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
