I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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