I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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