Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
