reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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